I have had these two mementos for a long time, 20 years, stashed away in an old box. The day after 6-4 I was at the military’s perimeter of the Square with a friend. A student beside me started chastising the soldiers. The soldiers grabbed him, threw him on the ground, beat him up and dragged him away. These two objects fell out of his pocket and I picked them up. Though I am not at all knowledgeable about guns, I knew these were shell casings.

To say I am not very knowledgeable about guns is an understatement. Living in urban Canada, guns are severely restricted and illegal. I suppose that the coming of this 6-4 20th anniversary prompted me to find them and figure out what exactly they were.

In the Square and after 6-4, the most common weapon I saw in use by People’s Liberation Army soldiers was the AK-47. This gave me somewhat of a clue.

I began, using my vernier calipers, to measure the diameters of the mouth and base, noting the bevel and ring just above the base. I also measured the overall length. Numbers imprinted on the bottom of the casings are “947 72″ and “601 74″. What these numbers signify I have not a clue. A Google search told be that these shell casing were rimless and made of brass.

I picked these up from a student protester on 6-4 after he was beaten up by soldiers

As luck would have it I found a very informative web page on the M43 bullet, more formally called the 7.62x39mm. They even had a section and a photo of the Chinese version. Included in the web page was an engineering diagram of the cartridge dimensions. After checking the dimensions of the shell casings against the engineering diagram I knew I had an exact match.

For completeness I also researched the AK-47, which led me to the Type 56 assault rifle used by the Chinese Army.

To think that the tips of these two shell casings were fired somewhere in the Square on 6-4 and may have killed someone makes me shudder. Mao once quoted “Every Communist must grasp the truth, ‘Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun’”* These bullets are its messenger boys. How unfortunate is it that Mao is again proven right.

* source: Problems of War and Strategy, Nov 6 1938, Selected Works, vol II, pp 224.

I saw side by side Chinese tank tracks down Changan Jie

The day after 6-4 in the morning I had a lunch meeting with a friend who lives down near TAM Square. I called her and she discouraged me from going to see her, saying it was too dangerous. She and her 12 year old brother were very upset about what happened the night before. The ride down to her place was fraught with obstructions. We walked to the soldier’s front line, as close as you could get to entering the Square.

It is funny that I have not recalled these thoughts in 20 years, but as I write I am able to recall many minor details that one would have thought gone after such a long time. The human brain is remarkable in its capacity. I wonder why I would unconsciously block out these thoughts for the last 20 years. The images I still have in my head are as clear as if it happened yesterday.

As I rode my bike down to the Square every intersection was blocked. Cars and many public buses were burned, some overturned. Often I had to carry my bike over the lane dividers in order to get through. There was no way a car could drive down to the Square. There was no police nor police vehicles to be seen. All intersection traffic lights were turned off. It seemed to me very surreal that this chaos could happen in such a large city as Beijing.

My friend lives down very close to the Square. I arrived at her house at around 10:30 am. There was no problem getting to her apartment building. I could see that she had been crying most of the night. Her brother was also visibly upset.

My friend was very concerned about her 12 year old brother. He was extremely angry at what happened the night before, had gone down to the soldiers protecting the Square’s perimeter, and had insulted and taunted the soldiers. They had run after him, but he had ran away. No amount of talking to him could convince him his actions were dangerous. Usually he was a pretty level headed artsy kid, so this change of behaviour was of great concern.

We walked down to the Square. As we passed the large apartment blocks I could see bullet marks on the walls. There were pools of blood on the ground in many places. My friend said that a mother was killed in her apartment by a stray bullet, and there was widespread outrage in the complex. More blood on the ground, bloody clothing on the ground.

After a very short walk we finally got to the front line that separated civilians from the Army. I recall a thin Chinese guy holding a camera being dragged away by soldiers. He had horn rimmed glasses on and looked to be an intellectual. To this day I can still see the terror on his face. Though he complained loudly as the 4 soldiers dragged him away, what he said fails me. You don’t normally see soldiers drag away unarmed civilians. My friend said that it was illegal to take any photos and to even have a camera in your hand was grounds to be taken in.

My friend’s brother started swearing at the soldiers, which made the soldiers visibly upset. They started yelling at him. He continued for a while and then as the soldier started to hop the fence, he ran away. My friend started to cry, wondering if her brother would be beaten up. The soldier stayed at his post but was visibly agitated.

While my friend stayed far back from the fence line, I could not help myself and slowly crept closer and closer to the front line. I realized the danger of the situation but wanted a closer look at the soldiers and the Square. I was close enough to touch the white metal fence and only about 3 feet from the soldier. No other Chinese people dared to stand close to the fence and the soldiers, which is rare for Chinese people.

As I got closer I saw that the soldiers were large and well muscled men, green uniforms, but had no other markings of their unit. They spoke Mandarin but not with a Beijing accent. They were from outside Beijing. All soldiers wore white gloves and green army hats. Each soldier clutched a brown AK-47. Though it was morning the soldiers were sweating profusely, as I could see the beads of sweat on their foreheads. Upon looking closely I could see that their eyes had this glazed over look: These soldiers had been clearly drugged.

Not long after a Chinese student beside me started swearing at the soldiers. We were right at the front of the fence, so I backed away. Though this student was quite a large guy, a couple of soldiers grabbed him and started pulling him in. I can still hear the anger in his voice, the terror in his eyes and his shaking with fear. In the struggle he dropped two cartridge casings, which I picked up. They started to beat him up then and there, and then he was led away.

Once witnessing this second student get grabbed by the soldiers and beaten up before my eyes, I knew it was time to leave. My friend had been repeatedly calling me and I eventually heeded her advice. Though I felt fear close to the soldiers, I was also in somewhat a state of shock.

Finally out of danger my friend scolded me for going so close to the soldiers. They were simple pheasants and had orders to protect the Square. No amount of discussion would change their actions.

We entered another apartment building and walked down the walkways on an upper floor, maybe the 5th floor. As we walked I could see Tiananmen get closer and closer. Finally we came to a common balcony where a couple of other people were watching. A local lady stopped us and asked my friend who I was and why we were here. After a short discussion my friend convinced the lady and we were allowed to stay. The lady told is no photography was allowed, but as I had not brought my camera, that was not an issue.

As I gazed over to the Square I could see a huge bonfire in the middle, with a huge plume of black smoke billowing in the sky. Whatever they were burning they were burning a lot. A grey helicopter landed and after a few minutes took off. Most curious was that at each corner of the Square was a very large anti-aircraft gun, pointing NE, NW, SE and SW. Why would the Army have these guns in the Square. Surely there were no more student protesters?

We never did have lunch that day. My friend, concerned for my safety, told me to return to my campus, to take back roads and be careful. Being mindful of her brother she did not accompany me on my way.

I rode north to Changan Jie. As I turned onto a side street much to my surprise was a tank parked beside a building with an armed soldier by its left front track. I was shocked at the enormous size of the tank. The soldier looked so small in comparison. I stopped riding, as did all others, no one wanting to go near the tank and the armed soldier. I turned around and found another street.

Finally on Changan Jie I could see clear tank tracks going all the way down the street. Crushed concrete blocks and fencing were everywhere. Rows of tank tracks were side by side. Though Changan Jie is extremely wide, it seemed like there were a row of 7 or 8 tanks that ran down the street side by side, similar to how snowplows clear the highways here in Toronto. Nothing would have been able to stop these tanks.

Despite all signs of danger and destruction in the area, in typical Chinese behaviour, while I was cycling away from the Square and returning to campus, so many more people were cycling towards the Square, including many san lunr (3 wheeled tricycles). A low toned boom sounded behind me, followed by people yelling. I stopped my bike and turned around. About a kilometer behind me I could see a huge plume of yellow smoke rise in the air. I could hear the mayhem of people in the area. It looked like teargas. That was it for me. There were more than enough warning signs in the area.

As I rode back to campus the whole situation seemed to not make sense. How could such a peaceful protest by students lead to such chaos, where I could see visible bullet marks in nearby buildings, blood on the ground, and a confirmed killing in my friend’s apartment complex? It was all too much.

During the time I spent in Beijing as a student, cozily nestled amongst Chinese students, eating at their same cafeterias and freely visiting their dorms, I did not once see any violent actions. From my personal account, this protest was 100% non-violent, which makes the very violent response from the government all the more terrible.

When students were on campus milling about at Sanjiao Di (3 Corner Place) or other places, reading or putting up posters, discussing, organizing, there was excitement in the air. Students shouting slogans, crowding around certain people, then moving on to crowd around other people. I did not once see anyone fighting. This is surprising in that when I travel in China, there is always some small fight that I witness on the road, with pushing and shoving, and shouting from both parties. I expect this in China.

When there were protest walks down to the Square, the number of students could fill the street such that car traffic could not pass. Often there were so many students that both northbound and southbound lanes of traffic were blocked by students walking southbound. Students in the southbound lanes would stop cars and force them to wait until protesters had walked by. Blocking traffic can be thought of as socially disrespectful and possibly illegal but certainly not violent. There were no cars stoned or set ablaze.

On marches I do recall common citizens giving the students food and drink, and encouraging them on their way. Workers from factories, families, and others would stop their everyday lives and watch the protesters go by. Maybe this was common practice because it was novel, but day after day of the same support was surprising.

Beijing People's liberation Army and university students face each other

One should note that all university students, due to rules of attending university, are forced to do one month of military training. This includes military tactics and strategy, digging ditches, marching, but also includes how to clean and use a gun. University students have the training and potential to take up arms. There was a conscious decision by student leaders to not do this, because they knew that if students posessed arms of any kind the military would not hesitate to shoot.

Student military training is important because very early in the protest military trucks were sent into Beijing. Some of these trucks had soldiers with guns. I recall these trucks being forced to stop by common Beijing citizens, who them pleaded, goaded or embarrassed the soldiers into giving up their rifles. This connection between Beijing citizens and the Beijing People’s Liberation Army is an interesting one, as in the end the Beijing PLA refused to round up and hurt their own residents. There was a clear human connection between these groups that even the PLA high commend could not change. Once these soldiers were disarmed, their guns were given to the students, who collected them and delivered them to the local police station. I did not see one student with a gun or any other weapon of any kind.

Down at the Square, students at times organized against the PLA. I remember a very large protest in front of Renmin Dahui Tang (Great Hall of the People), where students were protesting and shouting slogans right in front of the perimeter fence. The PLA arrived with their soldiers, and asked the students to move backward. The students did comply, moving back about 10 metres. The soldiers marched in unarmed and faced the students, their backs to the Great Hall, 4 soldiers deep and the length of the perimeter fence. Both sides then agreed to sit down, which they did all together. While the soldiers were silent, the students continued their protest.

I do not profess to understand the subtle nuances of Chinese politics then nor now. I’ve also not researched much about the 6-4 protesters. My account of student protesters comes from what I was and lived. These students were peaceful in every way and even mitigated potentially violent situations. They also had widespread support from Beijing residents. How could such a peaceful protest go so wrong?

Burned buses blocked traffic intersections in Downtown Beijing

In our dorm a group of us huddled around, talking about the protests when an excited student arrived. He had just returned from the Square and told us about the killings. I still recall his nonchalant attitude, of telling us an everyday story. He was with a Chinese friend, who was beside him. He heard gunfire and dropped to the ground. Unfortunately his friend did not and was killed. He had his friend’s blood on his shirt. Not only was he not afraid for his life, but thought that the event was so cool. Very cool. Your friend is now dead, and you could have returned to the States in a body bag. That’s so not cool. This guy was actually preparing to return to the Square to see what else was happening.

I returned to my room and turned on my shortwave. These were the days of CCTV only at set times of the day, and no private phones, much less internet. I recall VOA’s broadcast of events as being sketchy on the details. VOA had broadcast that Chinese soldiers had surrounded Beijing University and other nearby universities. I knew that was not true, and hoped my parents were not listening to the broadcast. BBC was much more measured and had more accurate information, which I could verify with eye witness and personal accounts. From that day I had much respect for the BBC’s reporting integrity.

I had a lunch meeting with a Chinese friend the next day, but was not sure if we could still meet. I called her house and she was home. She told me that it was much too dangerous for me to travel down to her place and wanted to postpone. I said I still wanted to visit so she agreed. Her brother, who was about 12 at the time, had gone down to the Square’s perimeter to face the soldiers on the front line and had taunted them and swore at them, and was almost fired upon. They had run after him but he ran away. She was afraid that her brother would get into trouble, be beaten up or killed. He was livid that the Chines People’s Liberation Army would kill their own unarmed citizens.

The University was abuzz with activity, more than usual. As I rode my bike I noticed that all was not well in Beijing. At almost every street intersection cars were blocking the road. Citizens were out on the street screaming loudly and crying. Car traffic had stopped. In the beginning I was able easily ride around cars at intersections, but as I got closer to the city centre more often than not I had to puck up my bike and carry it over the grass dividers that separated traffic.

Very odd was my first sighting of Beijing public transit buses at intersections, torched black. They had obviously been set ablaze and left to block the intersection. I wondered why would people block the intersections anyway, and why would citizens set so many buses on fire? Cars were also turned over and also had been set ablaze.

Beijing was in total chaos. Traffic lights were not working. Intersections were all blocked. There were no police in sight at any intersection. In fact I saw no police nor police vehicles the whole day. As I got closer to the Square I was very thankful I had a 10 speed bicycle, which I could easily pick up and carry over obstacles. There was no way a car could traverse the city.

And all this because of a peaceful student protest? A protest that I thought would peter out. It had been over a month and the university students were back in their dorms recovering. As I looked around the streets I could see that the protest had become much bigger, including workers and common citizens. When trouble brews in China escalation can happen pretty quickly and can easily get out of hand.

Can you fit 1 million people into Tiananmen Square?

Some topics are so foreign to Westerners that to encounter something so blatantly different is like running head first into a brick wall. Such is the case for modern Chinese history. I talk specifically about the student movement of May 4 1989 in Tiananmen Square

I am torn by writing because I have contradictory feelings at odds with each other. On one hand there is undisputable proof from eyewitness accounts and news footage that the events did occur and many people were killed. On the other hand, it was 20 years ago, so why bring up such an old and tired topic.

I am not so old and have lived a relatively pampered life here in North America. Not much of great historical interest has happened here in Toronto. What has triggered my ramblings is that in the eyes of official Chinese historians, not much of interest happened on that fateful 6-4. This, to me is puzzling at best and blatantly fraudulent at worst. In the North American view, an event happened, you have proof, you document it, then you move on. Life marches on as before, and the past becomes an event in history. For better or worse, interpretation of cause and effect is left up for debate. I feel slighted that this has not happened in China. Events of history cannot and should not be suppressed according to the prevailing views of politicians in power. Amnesia should not be part of any country’s history.

Naive was I as well as most other Chinese and foreign university students. They marched to protest against government and party corruption, and to fight for freedom and democracy. Or so I was told, and have the t-shirt to prove it. I’m sure most students knew theoretically but not realistically. Actually at the time I did not even know the Chinese word for democracy. Chinese students started skipping classes to join protest marches down to the Square. I saw Dazibao (large protest posters) at Sanjiaodi (3 Corner Place) in Beijing University, though my Chinese was not sufficient to read them. No matter. I had read about Mao’s Hundred Flowers Campaign, where Dazibao was used to protest and used again to punish the writers. But that old tactic could not be used today, right? That was just Chinese history, right? It turns out that they can and did. Stick with the tried and true.

Chinese students used the event more as an excuse to party, rather than some political protest. Students started skipping classes, walking down to the Square, having parties in their rooms, all laughing and giggles. I learned the term “ba ke” or to strike classes. It felt more like an alcohol free pub crawl rather than anything serious. We foreign students had no clue what was going on and continued going to our classes. Was this such a big deal?

Of course no one forced anyone else to go down to the Square, but intellectual curiosity got the best of us all. They had banners representing the school and their department. All departments organized walks carrying their banners proudly. It was odd for me to see these banners, but what the hell did I know of Chinese university life? If University of Toronto Engineering students could do it, why not the Beijing University English department? Odd, yes, but many things in China are odd. Banners and carrying on was not much odder than the rest. Or so I thought.

As far as I could tell from talking to Chinese friends, social issues were not well thought out. Serious discussions about China’s social and political issues were not so very important. First and foremost these were young university students, eager to learn and try new things, to exercise their independence and stretch their wings on their journey of life. Certainly university students of 2009 are the same. No, the mood was festive, with no thought as to implications. How can one expect young people to think so far ahead into the future?

Some students started camping out at the Square, carrying bedding and food. That’s more than unusual for a liquor free pub crawl. No, all of my friends didn’t do that. It was festive enough to represent your university and department and walk under your banner down to the Square, but not festive enough to stay down there. They all returned to their dorm beds for the night. Conditions down at the Square quickly turned unhygienic. There are no outdoor toilet facilities at the Square then and today. Garbage started to pile up. There was no running water or a place to dispose of dirty water. There was news of various diseases growing and spreading amongst students. The Beijing Health Department had condemned the Square. We did not doubt the authenticity of the news reports. Who would tell a lie in the news about such things?

After a couple of weeks of skipping classes and partying, many students returned to their dorms hungry, sick and dirty. They certainly were partying hardy. I thought this quite odd. Eating poorly and getting sick did not sound like much fun to me. Ditto for not going to classes and losing the opportunity to learn. We were in university, and university students attend classes. Then again I was never the partying type.

After a month, the party had pretty much petered out. Beijing Chinese students returned to their campuses to recover, and were replaced by students from other universities throughout China. Enough was enough. Students were pretty much all in their dorms catching up on their sleep or recovering their health. Showers were in order for all. There were so many tired faces on campus, though Chinese students still did not resume classes. Our language classes continued as normal and I continued to study as normal.

It was at this juncture of time that the unthinkable would happen. The Chinese People Liberation Army would fire live rounds at students down at the Square and kill them. Unfortunately for the students, unlike their Beijing counterparts, they would not be able to return to their campuses, and like good comrades pat each other on the back for a job well done, take hot showers, sleep and regain their health. These students at the Square would never return to their families, and their families will never be able to track them down, to carry them home, and to bury them. The frailties of life and the harshness of Chinese politics were not lost on me.

To the lost students who would never return home, I pay my deepest respects, 20 years too late, and from a foreign country. To their families I offer my deepest condolences, 20 years too late and from a foreign country. I will always have a hint of disbelief, terror and regret when I recall this era of Chinese history. I will certainly not be alone.